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How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone’s battery.
I like my women how I like my straws …. Bendy and full of liquor.
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
The secret to success is in my bra.
The last 10 seconds of every voicemail my grandmother leaves me is her trying to hang up the phone.
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
Even if I were taking a dump on the moon someone would walk in and sit down in the stall next to me.
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
Not trying to be racist or ignorant but... seriously, all crocodiles and alligators look alike.
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
Walmart does not have a dildo section. But it`s always fun to ask their employees if they do.
Just because she weighed as much as two women doesn`t mean you had a threesome