Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they`re smart, confident, and aware they don`t need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
off to bed...evil schemes don`t dream themselves up.
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
To say I wasted today would be a huge insult to the producers of the 3 movies I watched.
Marriage is for quitters
I consider anything that doesn`t fit in the dishwasher to be for one time use.
My next pet is going to be named "Peeve."
I use meditation and yoga to handle stress...Just kidding, I pop pills for that sh!t.
I always pick up a huge cucumber up at walmart and yell to my wife "you said you wanted the biggest one right" Because I`m a great husband
The best part about going to Wal-Mart is having the book aisles all to yourself.
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 13th woman he`s called "beautiful" on Facebook today.
The statement `Hey! Calm down!` has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down
The beeping noise from microwave is always 100x’s louder at night.
If you`re ever sad, just imagine how much worse it would be to be a tree that spent years and years growing up, only to end up as a Justin Bieber notebook