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If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
You never really know someone until you break up with them. If they don’t go crazy and try to kill you than maybe you should give them a second chance.
If our son ever decides he wants to play sports, I`ll sign up to be his coach. It`s important that he knows that I`ll swear at other kids too.
Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until ALL the birds have gone South for the Winter.
Don`t judge. Maybe I`m conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don`t know.
Dear, automatic flushing toilet, I appreciate the enthusiasm.... But I wasn`t finished.
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
It`s not that I CAN`T be good, it`s that I`m SOOOOO much better at being BAD!!!
I guess I need to buy some new drink coasters because I finally ran out of AOL free trial CDs.
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
When it comes to f*cking around, I don`t f*ck around.
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong
I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.