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Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!
I just gave my ex a big hug which can only mean one thing. That`s right I have the flu and I love sharing.
I´m the kind of person that when my feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, HE´S UP"!
We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
No one knows what women really want, but everyone agrees it still won`t be enough.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I`m pretty sure that`s how I`m feeling today.
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
What a lovely winter we`re having this spring.
Their bedroom door is closed. I better walk in there for no reason. - kids
I know u r but what am I ?
Health care in this country is a disgrace. My doctor said run 3 miles a day for a month. I`m now completely lost & 90 miles away from home.
A cop pulled me over and said ``Papers...`` So I said, ``Scissors, I win!`` and drove off like a boss!
I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.