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I`m pretty sure if I put what was actually on my mind as my Facebook status, all my friends would delete me.
Turkish ruler Erdogan was at the White House this week. Sources say he arrived very early so he could beat the crowd.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed," many women still sleep with their husbands.
When you consider names for your baby, it`s important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.
I was struggling,trying to figure out how lightning works .....then it struck me!
I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA
The way I see it, every Friday is Good Friday.
Definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
You don`t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
My wife asked me what new hairstyle she should get, so I held my breath until I passed out.
My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.
I love you Mario, but you need to stop taking shrooms, breaking into haunted houses, and killing turtles! You have a dinosaur to take care of.