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How the hell do you call Batman during the day?
If you think you aren`t creative, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.
Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.
It`s annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there`s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time
My wife let me remove all her clothes last night ... From the dryer
" I don`t watch much tv" proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
Where 5 minutes becomes 5 hours. Facebook.
“I” before “E” especially after “P”. Mmmm pie
Well ... here I am ... cleverly disguised as a responsible adult!
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
lord, we beg you for tupac, and in return you can have justin bieber
How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.
I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
Studies show it’s totally okay for me to just say “studies show” in front of whatever I want to say.
I think the lady at the movies is "shushing" me, but I can`t tell because I`m eating Doritos.