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Jesus is coming.... look busy
When your mother asks you if you`re sexually active, the correct response is: "No, I just lie there."
when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
when girls say bye .......... may be it means buy something for her.....
I went to my local shop for a paper the other day. A guy out of no where started to throw eggs, cream and milk at me. I thought to myself how dairy?
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
I’d be unstoppable if it wasn’t for law enforcement and physics.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought "that`s a fair trade."
I`ve robbed banks before...and they`re never getting their pens back.
If you could see what goes on inside my head, you would have nightmares for weeks!
This is the only way I know how to correctly use a semi-colon ;)
The only solution to a problem is to find the source and Kill it.
Cops are allowed to tell women they have the right to remain silent, but when I do it I wind up with a fork in my leg.
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.