Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You guys can laugh at my cargo pants all you want, but I just walked out of Taco Bell with 350 sauce packets.
Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. You choose your own adventure.
They say that being successful and living well is the best revenge. That may be so, but rubbing your naked ass all over someone`s cell phone when they aren`t looking is pretty good too ?
I accidentally wore green today. And I probably will be drunk later but NOT because it`s St. Patrick`s Day, because it`s Monday.
Boobs: because you can`t suck on a girls personality
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
I was playing catch phrase with my family and the phrase I got was `pearl necklace` .. And then I ruined family time...
Gotta admire people who drive with one hand holding on to a mattress tied to the roof.
I bought the world`s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it`s terrible.
The reason swans mate for life is because they don`t talk.
Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven`t pissed in 8 hrs
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I’ll never know.
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.