Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I love the show Gotham....OBSESSED!!! But they constantly have the Twitter hashtag #gotham in the corner of the screen, and I`m always thinking..."No I don`t have ham! But I want ham." Sometimes I miss parts of the showing thinking about the fact that I don`t have ham..... Obviously I need to have ham on the menu every Monday night. #noidontgotham
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
A pessimist thinks that all women are sluts. An optimist hopes that they are.
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.
The Easter Bunny doesn`t always drink, but when he does I bet it`s hopscotch.
My wife is pissed at me again...appearently I am breathing wrong.
If anyone every texts me “who is this” I always respond “Jake from state farm”
This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair.
So apparently RSVP`ing back to a wedding invite `maybe next time` isn`t the correct response
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
is clapping his hands and stomping his feet because he is happy and he knows it.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
When I`m CEO of Subway, employees will no longer be called "sandwich artists." They will be "sub humans."
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?