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I think I`m a grown up the same way Dr. Phil is a doctor.
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
My panic room is a walk-in beer cooler at the liquor store.
After visiting the gov`t healthcare site, I don`t know why I was so worried about their ability to spy on me...
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Pro tip - You can blame anything on autocorrect.
When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.
Just about the time I started to give a crap, my attitude became constipated......
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven...does God hide behind the pearly gates and pretend he`s not in?
A new study suggests that a future study will completely contradict this study.
Sometimes I just open up the cabinet and let the Tupperware hit me in the face on purpose.
No, I don`t need a Fitbit. I can count to 45 by myself.
You fake your smile daily, then judge people for getting a fake tan.
School was so much easier when 2 plus 2 equaled 4 instead of "X." Whoever decided to involve the alphabet in math deserves a solid punch to the face.
My goal weight is,"someone give that girl a cheeseburger."