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Late to bed and early to rise, makes me really tired and pissed off.
Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on.
Don`t ask me for advice, my answer is always get them drunk.
A simple "good morning beautiful" text could make any girl smile for the whole day. ..but knocking on the bathroom window first to ask her number sort of ruins it for some reason.
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
why hello there stalker! Enjoying my profile?(=
One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.
The longest five seconds in anyone’s life is waiting to press the “Skip Ad” button on YouTube.
Remember waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure
Whatever “Estimated Time of Arrival” on the GPS. Challenge accepted.
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
I used to think drinking was bad until i stopped thinking
Missing my childhood super-powers, when I could sleep on the couch and wake up in bed.
If you`re sad/single/both on valentines day just remember you can buy 40 chicken nuggets at McDonald`s for $8.99
If you cut your child`s sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...