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I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for the answer.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I`m in public.
If you check Page 4, Paragraph 16, Subsection (d), right after the section on Video Game usage, but before the Book Report Procrastination provision and the No Face Piercings, Ever Amendment , you will that see that I am, in fact, and I quote: "the boss of you."
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
And by "whatever" I mean f*ck you.
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress just so that Iād have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
I`m old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.
The best thing about living in the southern U.S. is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense.
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
There are only two types of honest people in this world.....small children and drunk people.
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
Think we could get the North Korean hackers to end "Keeping Up With The Kardashians"?
Just saw a homeless dude with a sign reading "Hungry Hungry Hobo"... I shouldn`t laugh right?
Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question?