Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My superpower is making people laugh ... Which would be great if I was trying to be funny
Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.
I don`t have a drinking problem, I just celebrate everything! Like the fact that shirts have armholes, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.
There`s this cool trick I do where I post whatever the f*ck I want becasue this is my account, not yours.
Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
You know you`re fat when you run out of breath eating.
Treasure the years with your children while they are still distracted by bubbles.
*Sees my name in a math textbook* class: *stares at me* me: "yeah b!tches I bought 60 watermelons"
Just got back from a job fair. Very disappointed. They didn`t have one damn ride.
You don`t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
"You only live once" is also an equally compelling reason not to do something extreme or stupid.
Do girls that make duck faces in pictures walk in a V formation at the mall?
My problem is, I`m about 30% stud, and 70% muffin.
My favorite thing to do on Facebook is to get in a long conversation with someone and then delete all my comments so they look crazy.
Do you like the strong, silent type? Then you`ll love my farts.