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Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere.
People say circumcision dosen`t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn`t walk for nearly a year.
Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
The 21st century. When deleting history is more important than making it.
How to live a happy life: 1)Do whatever you want 2)Don`t worry 3)Eat whatever you want 4)Don`t take advice from strangers on the internet
Grey Goose and Red Bull, because two sets of wings is better than one.
There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
Dear future boyfriend/girlfriend, where the hell are you?
Government shutdown day 8: Electricity still works. Water is still running. No cool gangs to join yet. Worst apocalypse ever.
A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
I wasn`t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I really feel about you!
I prefer to think outside the box because things can get very dark inside it.