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The only time I use the word “selfie” is when I am describing my sex life.
“Are you working right now? Where are you working?” Facebook is worse than my parents.
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
It doesn`t matter how old you are, If you hear the ice cream truck jingle you jump out the window for that sh!t.
My last post deserves WAY more likes than that....let`s go people....chop chop!
Ugh, I have an ingrown hair and it really hurts. This sounds like a job for medical marijuana.
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
I was an atheist, until I realized I was a sex god.
My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
There`s a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
In hell you`re always trying to spread butter that`s too cold.
If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami?
To be honest, I´m just fishing for compliments tonight.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
Breast awareness month: we stare because we care