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Gas prices are a lot like girls: We just wish they would go down.
www.amish.com. How did this happen?
I`m not lying, I`m just making the story better.
I can sum up my life in three words: “just browsing, thanks.”
If you are a turkey right now and someone offers to cut off your head, stuff you full of dressing, and cook you, do not do it. It is a trap.
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a video camera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
When a man talks dirty to a woman it`s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man it`s $3.95 per minute.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up...
Sometimes I feel like a semicolon. I don`t know where I belong.
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
How can society expect me to be a mature productive member of it I don`t even know if it`s spelled gray or grey
How I sing it: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,....H, I, J, K, A LEMON OH PEE!....Q, R, S....T, U, V....W, X....Y, and Z."
When parents on Facebook post about how they can`t believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he`d be held back!"