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What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn`t reach very far.
Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
White girls be like: I`ll have one triple mocha dark chocolate ugg boot raspberry white iphone 5 double caramel infinity sign frappe please.
I always say, "monring" instead of "good morning" because if it was a good morning, I`d still be in bed sleeping.
We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like: “Well I’m bored, let’s go brush our teeth.”
Let`s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
A lie is just a great story that someone ruined by telling the truth.
If you`ve ever wondered why an animal is stupid enough to run into oncoming traffic on the highway, then you`ve obviously never been married.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.
When I was younger I thought I was bipolar. Turns out I was just an a$$hole who was happy about it.
"I don`t see color." - A person who shouldn`t eat snow.
I just keep telling myself you guys don`t have sex either.
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
Every wanna answer every question with a middle finger? That`s kinda where I am today.