Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My dad said if I don`t get of facebook in 3 seconds he would jab my face into the keyboahajsirksjapquebxm
OMG you guys! Almost hit a jogger while i was taking a selfie and driving today...so please you guys, be careful, do NOT jog.
I don`t always drink beer. But when I do, I always lie about not always drinking beer.
I hate when beggars rattle their cup full of coins at me. Yes i know! You have more money than me, you don`t have to rub it in..
Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?
I Wonder what Facebook Employees do to waste time at work ?
Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don`t have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.
That disappointing moment when you pull up to work and it`s not fully engulfed in fire.
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.
Running shoes? No, I don`t run. These are my "better hurry up the liquor store is about to close" shoes.
With my luck, I’ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
Sometimes when I’m feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.