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Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
Saw some idiot put a water bottle where the Pringles go on the treadmill.
I fell off the wagon because I was too drunk to keep my balance
Your boyfriend has long hair too. I sometimes have trouble figuring out who the girl is in the relationship.
When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That`d be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.
You should have been a chicken and just went home.
You know you`re getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.
I have Beer.
Think about what last call would look like if Walmart had a bar
There is no evidence that exists that life should be taken seriously.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats
Jogging backwards because I`m trying to gain a little weight
Anyone else think there should be a sarcasm font?
Iām tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?