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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
A zip line but from the sofa to the fridge
I`m not shy. I`m just being quiet because I know that if I open my mouth to speak, a flow of never- ceasing, insulting comment directed at you will immediately spew from within me.
You can’t believe everything you hear, but you can repeat it.
I`m lucky to be broke at a time when minimalism and sustainability are in style.
No need to thank me for accepting your friend request. We`ll both regret it soon enough.
This donut scented car freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
Life is basically one long, terrible date with yourself.
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
No matter what life brings you, always take a lesson from your dog.. Kick some grass over that s**t and move on.
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mom’s bedroom. I can’t believe it.. She’s a superhero!
I need a job that pays at least 10,000 dollars an hour.
I went to see the doctor today for my annual check-up. The good news is the he says I`m healthy as a horse. The bad news is he uses large farm animals to