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Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can´t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Age sure does change your perspective. Lots of things I hated when I was a kid I love now... like having nothing to do, going to bed early, watching the news, spankings.... stuff like that.
At a four way stop, it`s obvious that the vehicle bearing the most duct tape goes first.
Change is hard. Seriously have you ever tried to bite a nickel?
Chili for breakfast. Cause I hate my Co-workers.
This idiot from Apple reckons that the "Temperature, iPhone needs to cool down" warning message has nothing to do with all my hot selfies
I dated this musician who used to play songs for me over the phone. Then I realized he was just putting me on hold.
*Knocks on door* Hey open up. You didn`t reply to my last 43 inbox messages & then you updated about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
Would I be in a porno for a million dollars? It depends. What kind of porn? Will my mom see it? Do I have to pay the million all at once?
To a cop, doing donuts in a parking lot has a whole different meaning.
I wish there was a way to find out how many boners you’ve caused in a lifetime, I wanna check my stats.
Teacher:If I had 2 oranges in my left hand and 2 mangoes in my right hand, what would I have?? Student:Big hands!!
It must be exhausting being offended by everything.
Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen