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The worst time to need to sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee it when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
I love a good nap. Sometimes it`s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
Weird when someone vanishes from your Facebook feed for 3 years then suddenly reemerges with the results of a "Which Muppet Are You?" quiz.
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of Alcohol
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
Don`t judge. Maybe I`m conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don`t know.
I`m single by choice. Not MY choice. But it`s still a choice
I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.
Confuse your coworkers today by telling them you`re going to the restroom to do a "number 3"
My favorite sex position is, "don`t tell anyone we did this".
I haven`t seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he`s OK.
So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?