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*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
Turning your signal light on once you`ve already changed lanes is just about as useful as offering to help the old lady across the street AFTER she`s already been hit by a school bus full of screaming children. Just sayin`
Age sure does change your perspective. Lots of things I hated when I was a kid I love now... like having nothing to do, going to bed early, watching the news, spankings.... stuff like that.
I saved someone`s life today. Well, I resisted the urge to strangle the life out of some idiot. That`s the same thing, right?
My New Year`s resolution was to lose 15 lbs by the middle of February. I have 20 lbs. to go.
So those numbers on sports jerseys are how many people each player has killed or what.
Do not drink and drive.. because there are people out there who text and drive... and they will hit you and it will be your fault !!
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question!!!
I`m having trouble telling if it`s killing me or making me stronger
Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.
I wish I was as skinny as I was the first time I thought I was fat.
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
Have you ever noticed that half way through the ColonialPenn insurance commercial, Alex Trebek tries to pull a Jedi-Mind-Trick on us.... "This is the insurance you are looking for." (I didn`t get enough sleep last night.)
I hope daylight savings time doesnt throw me off my schedule of doing nothing.