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If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`. I`ll definitely turn around and look.
The brain is like the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
Sorry I`m late... I accidentally pulled the chain on the ceiling fan one too many times for like 9 hours straight.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
There really isn`t much difference between being a kid and being an adult. I was just as emotionally crippled upon learning the truth about Penthouse Letters as I was about Santa Claus.
When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.
Hate when my GF asks me to hold her purse at the grocery store line cause I really don`t like being that guy holding two purses.
I swear my bed just whispered "Please Don`t go."
Any amusement you may have experienced from my past posts are in no way a guarantee of future performance.... Please initial here and sign here.
Treasure the years with your children while they are still distracted by bubbles.
If you were born after 1990, you will never know the frustration of having to rewind your parents porn tapes to the exact same spot...
I feel sorry for people who don`t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
You don`t have to drink to have fun... Just have fun drinking!
Sorry I poked you all over your body, but I was just looking for the off button.
Fun Prank: Put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me.