Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I`d totally use it to take a nap without people noticing.
It appears that autocorrect has become my worst enema.
You know it`s a good night when you wake up with gum in your bellybutton.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I`m totally flexible.
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
Holidays, hotels and women. Three things that always look better online than in real life.
My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he`s attempting to get his hoodie back. He`s in for one hell of a life lesson.
My friends always use to say, "there`s plenty of fish in the sea." But looks like I ignored their advice and ended up marrying a whale.
My body is made up of 90% water, 5% pizza and 5% wine.
Can I have your number or do you just want the 8 dollars for the drink?
My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004
Some of my friendships are bad for my liver.
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs!
The nice thing about living in the southern states is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense here.
How many exercise/workout videos does a person have to buy before seeing results?