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The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
If you workout and don`t post a status about it on Facebook, do you still lose weight?
[takes out checkbook][clicks pen] Alright, how much to make these Bit Strips to go away forever.
SPOILER ALERT for "Finding Bigfoot" TV show - they don`t find him. Again.
Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.
If you are a turkey right now and someone offers to cut off your head, stuff you full of dressing, and cook you, do not do it. It is a trap.
Hey Guys! I havent seen you since last year!(;
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
I try to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
A gay man is just one colonoscopy away from foreplay
Girl: I have changed my mind. Boy: Thank God! Does the new one work?
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
Thank god that racist basketball guy showed up or we`d still be talking about how we`re not finding that airplane.
My problem is, I`m about 30% stud, and 70% muffin.
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.