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Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering "You look fat in those pants".
I`ve been told that I can be condescending... that means that I tend to talk down to people.
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
Would stiff nipples be a good name for my air conditioning company?
My Dr said I am a sex addict. I ask him how he knew and he said you are a man.
Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka qualifies right?
I only use elevators for one thing. Surprise group hugs
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it`s cold" could you tell me more about that
Pork is awesome, but it`s best when used as a verb.
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
Cubs fans, you need to wait 107 more years. But don`t worry, 2124 will be here before you know it!
Sweat pants & Uggs in public says "and I didn`t brush my teeth, either."
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…