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All sex is safe sex if you keep your bright orange reflective vest on.
Kids may be a gift, but I like playing with the box it came in.
Burger King is offering delivery service in some areas. I don’t trust it. Everyone knows it’s impossible to drive without eating the fries.
Can someone else be a sex symbol today? ... My good T-shirt is still in the wash...
My phone just changed, `calendar` to `cake radar` and now I really wish I had that.
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
So I was thinking... We should get drunk and make bad decisions.
You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today. On the front they say `I would do anything for love`. On the back, `But I wont do that!`
You don`t have to be crazy to work here ... We`ll train you.
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
Why is it always the same person getting in your way from start to checkout at the grocery store?
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.
Probably a good thing I`m not a ghost cause I`d just stay in the kitchen and scare people then eat all their food.