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If I don`t make at least one person scream, "WTF" then my day is not done yet.
Men, remember to re-stock the spiders this weekend so she remembers why she keeps you around.
All I heard was, " I swear it`ll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
For Lent I`ve decided to give up my New Year`s Resolutions
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn’t that make life fair?
I’m taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.
Sarcasm is wasted on the idiots who inspire it.
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
Those beards make the Red Sox look like they`re going to a Civil War reenactment as Confederates.
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
Why don`t they just get Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail?
My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?
I bet guys that work at strip clubs are "hard" workers...