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"I woke up with morning wood. She woke up with morning wouldn`t."
The naked truth is better, than d dressed-up lie :) Aa
Got kicked out of the hospital. Apparently the “head nurse” is just the one in charge of the other nurses.
I`m only 2 girls short of a threesome.
Meal prepping is basically eating a week`s worth of leftovers from a meal that never happened.
Would you like to donate $1 to this charity or leave the checkout line feeling like human scum?
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
The number one reason why trick or treating is better than sex is, you can do the whole neighborhood.
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
I`m just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner
Well, it`s almost the end of the year. No point in trying to become a good person this late in the game.
I hate when I get to the office and there isn’t a smoking crater where the building is.
Another funny thing about this status is when you finally realize that it talks about nothing? its all ready too late to stop reading. lol
It`s always best to fart when there`s a baby on the bus. They always get the blame.
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.