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sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
I don’t care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.
After meeting me... my therapist is now in therapy...
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
Go to China on honeymoon. Get intimate with Husband. Tell child that they were "Made in China."
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks, why is there a light in the fridge??
This patience thing takes forever.
I once ran a Half Marathon. Well, I say that because it sounds better than saying I collapsed and almost died halfway through a Full Marathon.
You’re really not as bad as people say. You’re much, much worse.
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it though.
Not everything on CNN is fake news. Some of it is commercials.
thinks we should all jump out of our chairs and do the 5 second happy dance! READY! GO!
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?