Daily Silly Status

To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."

I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream

I hate waking up all hungover, eyebrow shaved, and a d!ck drawn on my face ... Especially since I was drinking alone last night.

Nobody wants to know your diet. So shut up, eat your lettuce and be sad.

If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.

For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"

United Airlines.... Board as Doctor, leave as patient.

Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, `Well, she`s there`

Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can’t wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie. 5% - That was a complete waste of money. 85% - I gotta pee!!

Hey Gotham City criminals, why isn’t the first thing on your to-do list “Unplug the Bat Signal”?

"Last man standing" is the winner in most contests, but the runner up in musical chairs.

Do watch out for elderly neighbours in the heat wave. They`re liable to trap you for hours and talk about the weather.

Ask.com is useless............they have no idea where I put my car keys either

This morning I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"