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Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.
Girls don`t dress for boys, they dress for themselves... If girls dressed for boys, they`d just walk around naked all the time.
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
Hey, if it doesn`t work out, we can still be friends. Said no guy ever
We`re sorry to announce that due to budget cuts the beloved carol "Silver Bells" will be replaced with the more cost effective carol "Aluminium Bells".
When people I don’t know ask me what I do for a living I shout “Karma,” and punch them before running away.
If your buttcrack is showing out of your pants. I will drop change in it and make a wish.
Buying my wife a matching belt and bag for her birthday. We`ll have that vacuum cleaner working in no time.
Do watch out for elderly neighbours in the heat wave. They`re liable to trap you for hours and talk about the weather.
Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house, but that fly is dead.
My version of Heaven would be filled with all the things I`d probably go to hell for.
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped my phone.
At least a stalker is there for you.
Sex Is Like Math: Add The Bed, Subtract The Clothes, Divide The Legs, And Pray To God You Don`t Multiply!
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn`t let you skip.