Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Few things are creepier than someone saying "I know" after you introduce yourself.
Liking something on Facebook instead of commenting is like nodding at someone in an elevator instead of saying hello.
I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I`m not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
When I get a call from an unknown number I answer by whispering: "It`s done, but there`s blood everywhere!"
If there`s no god then how do you explain yoga pants?
Which emoticon indicates the desire to cover someone with fire ants?
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri tells you "after 400 feet stop and let me out"
What do women say when they are actually fine?
How do American chickens cross the road? In a bucket.
When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it`s Santa Claus!" so I don`t have to get up.
I`m fairly certain that kids only have ears for decorative purposes.
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.
I`m thinking of making a sax tape to make myself well known like some of the bad boys and girls do...does it matter if I can`t play it?