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I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
My New Year’s resolution is to climb Mount Everest, learn 7 new languages, and stop lying.
Meetings are 20% small talk, 5% what the meeting is about and 75% wasting everyone’s time.
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
Paint thinner? I call bullsh!t. I been painting myself with it all week and I`m still fat.
When one door closes, another one opens.... That`s when you realize that you`ve bought a really bad second hand car.
If you really think about it, "Nightlife" is just a fancy word for drinking alcohol at a place that isn`t your house.
Summer needs to slow the hell down.
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
Finally, my winter fat is gone, now all I have are spring rolls.
Day six of my push-up challenge. So far, I`ve eaten 107 push-up pops.
I told you a million times do not exaggerate!
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
Trying to be less negative but it`ll never work.
is sick and tired and tired of being sick and sick of being tired!