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Who needs dance lessons when you`ve got alcohol?!
Do not read the next sentence. You little rebel, that`s why I like you.
I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying`, because saying, "you idiot" is considered offensive.
You`ve really got to hand it to short people, because sometimes they often can`t reach it.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/
"That wasn`t chicken in the Chow Mein" I`d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.
I only drink on two occasions; when its my birthday and when its not.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she`s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
If those Febreeze commercials with rooms filled with stinking, rotting garbage convince you to buy their product. Here`s a heads up for you........ You need to clean your freaking house!!!
Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!
I was the kid my parents warned me about.
If you think you have problems, remember that Malaysian man who told his wife he was flying to China... and now he can`t get out of his girlfriend`s apartment...
I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.