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In sign language, arthritis is a speech impediment.
There should be a day in between Saturday and Sunday.
Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor’s WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I’m the victim here!!
Health tip: There`s never a `safe` time to shake a teenage boy`s hand. Never.
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
What if aliens only abduct crazy people, because nobody will ever believe them?
If it wasn’t for caffeine I wouldn’t be a functioning member of society.
My friend told me that bigamy was having one wife to many. I thought that was called monogamy.
How many selfies does it take to get to the center of attention?
Where have you been all my life? Can you go back there?
I hate when I`m about to hug somebody really sexy and my face hits the mirror!!
I`m tired of people assuming I`ve got a good personality because I`m ugly.
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
I just saw a disclaimer that said "don`t try this at home", so I tried it at my neighbors house.
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.