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Huge spoiler here ... Did you know Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.
I’m not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be boob shaped.
Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
only fights if pillows are present.
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m a person.
Sure, we can be friends. I get to be Chandler.
You`re probably wondering how I post so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect.
My co workers put cookies on my desk, like they`re leaving a sacrifice for an angry god.
She said she was stripping to feed her kids but then got pissed when I started throwing canned goods at her
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
When reality kicks in… add more booze.
Why is it all the good things in life are either illegal, immoral, impossible, addictive, or fattening?
People who learned a bunch of stuff must have felt pretty stupid when Wikipedia came out.
Backseat drivers are the worst. They`re always like "the light is red!" and "don`t text and drive!" and "oh god, I think that was a person!"
It was so cold out today i actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up.