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To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
I`m pretty sure if someone broke into my house, my dog would just show them how much he likes to lick his balls
I’m better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
Don`t be part of the problem. Be the ENTIRE problem.
I`ve been taking viagara for my sunburn........ It doesn`t cure it...... but it does keep the sheets off my legs at night.
I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
Do good masochists go to heaven, or hell?
If you can make a woman laugh, you`re almost there. If you`re almost there & she laughs, now that`s a different thing.
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
Babies are really cute until you meet one that`s not a picture.
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
You call them ‘naps’ but I prefer to call them ‘alcohol-induced aftershocks`
My husband told me he needed more space ... So I locked him outside.