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Stovetop Directions: 1.) Use microwave.
I am the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Women are like bacon: They look good, They smell good, They taste good, And they will kill you slowly.
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re my bartender & you say "This guy looks like he needs another double vodka martini" then please do..
Thank God! the women with 3 boobs was a hoax... I just couldn`t wrap my hands around it....
While most people are becoming older and wiser, I´m becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
I found out last night that the only thing worse than waking up 3 times to pee is sleeping right through it.
I`ve been working on losing weight, I was doing Jenny Craig for awhile........till her husband found out (<>..<>)
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
Rejected Olympic Events: Javelin Catch... Jello Shotput... Border Fencing... Cardboard Boxing... Menstrual Cycling... Salad Tossing... Wrestling Demons...
Really close to my perfect target weight. All I need now is one more stomach flu
I’m not surprised you’re having problems I had a bad experience with your reality once too.
…and for my next trick, I will pull this dryer sheet out of my sleeve!
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!