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I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
Playing Frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to just running after a Frisbee.
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is?
House cleaning would go a lot faster if the spray bottles made laser gun sounds
Lets not get carried away it`s not like McDonalds shutdown
There`s a sense of great satisfaction when I`m the tie breaker between `Funny` and `Not Funny` status updates.
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
Blue&Black or White&Gold? Who cares what color the dress is, so long as its balled up on the floor of my bedroom.
It`s 2014 and somehow we still don`t have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
Decided to cut back on my beer drinking. Fortunately, this martini is helping me through this tough time.
Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang - So I shot him..
What did the crop say to the farmer? Stop picking on me