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Testing.. Testing.. This is a test. If this were an actual ploy for attention.. I would`ve said "bacon" or "boobies."
Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.
I just took a 5 hour energy and a sleeping pill...LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
Sorry I got mad and said a bunch of things I meant but shouldn`t have said out loud.
I could really go for a beer and a million dollars.
If you`re one in a million, there are more than 7,000 of you.
I love to start my day by getting on Facebook to see who is a whiny little bi!ch today.
I just read the words "untimely death" and thought, "Man, I hope my death is timely."
If you don’t count any of my failures, I’m quite successful.
ever notice that on a phone the word "mom" is 666?
Just think, there is an entire generation of idiots who will wonder: "Why did they have a hashtag button on landline phones?"
<-- Is my name! Isn`t it awesome!?
I know you’re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?