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Guys... If the girl your getting down with doesn`t even have time to fake an orgasm..... It`s prob best you just make your sandwich
Just told the guy at the second drive-thru window that the guy at the first drive-thru window wants to fight him.
Always keep a note in your medicine cabinet that says, “I thought you were peeing?”
I found out why I`m still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes on the bathroom floor.
Keep honking. I´m reloading.
I bet giraffes don`t even know what farts smell like.
I tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
I like confusing kids by telling them I`m older than the internet
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.
You’d think my password was “yourmom” because my computer just told me it was too easy.
Just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, he’ll never have any friends.
The moment you empty your vacuum cleaner is the moment you become a vacuum cleaner.