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My doctor said he`s been practicing for 30 years. When will he start doing his job for real?
If you think you hate me now, wait till I start answering your rhetorical questions.
Detroit and Chicago seem to be getting it right as of late. Limit all politicians to two terms. One in elected Office and one in prison.
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
Before I die I`m going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
Imagine all the amazing places you could take naps if you were Superman.
My anaconda really doesn`t care if you got buns or not.
Who decided that we should sit together in groups while we chew food?
Whenever I tell the cashier to ‘keep the change`, it takes everything in my power not to call them a filthy animal.
If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it`s always perfume.
It´s not that I hate you, it´s just.. well I´ll put it this way.. if you were on fire & I had water, I´d drink it.
are you free tomorrow ?! no I am f**king expensive !!
If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesnt that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie? ... hmmm
Why is it called `after dark`, when it is really after light
Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!