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It’s not that I’m old, your music really does suck.
I was visited by three spirits last night, Vodka, Rum And Gin. . .
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
Remember, Christmas is over if you sit on a strangers lap now and ask for stuff it`s because you`re a whore.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming for their lives like the passengers in the back of his truck
How do we know that all the ancient Greek sculptures aren`t just victims of Medusa?
Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.
If a cannibal is late for dinner, do they give him the cold shoulder?
Lightning is like God`s way of saying "Get out of that tree you pervert!"
Man:Hello doc, my wife is having a baby. Doctor:Is this the first child? Man:No, it`s the husband speaking.
I`m fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest any of you in despair and disappointment?
If you fall, I`ll be there - Floor
I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!
if sexyness, kindness, sweetness was a crime, You would be the world`s most wanted
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.