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My favorite moment is the 5 minutes every day when coffee overlaps with wine.
Imagine how bad it would be if everyone could hear what you were thinking.
I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I`m sexy!" Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!
Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it
I was jogging earlier and...LMAO, I`m sorry...I can`t start a status with such ridiculousness.
I know the voices aren`t real, but man do they come up with some great ideas.
I`d fight a bear for you. Well, not a grizzly or a brown bear. But maybe like a care bear. I`d fight one of those sonsabitches for you.
ever notice that on a phone the word "mom" is 666?
My girlfriend left the lights on, on her Smart Car last night. This morning I had to jump start it with my Android.
The bad news: I took the wrong medication today. The good news: For the next 3 months I`m protected against heartworms and fleas.
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.
Girl scout cookies suck! I ate like 20 boxes of thin mints and I`m not any thinner.
If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got "YOLO" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly
I hate people who take drugs ... Customs for example.
Kid`s Choice Awards are a great reminder why children aren`t allowed to vote.