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My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. ..well, she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet..
Forecast for today: Unproductive with a chance of a late drinking session.
I`m fortunate that anger and nicotine have zero calories.
50 notifications later I regret ever commenting on your status.
Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.
It`s everyone`s favorite holiday season where we try to guess if that was a firework or gunshot
Look for my new diet book: "How To Work Out And Watch What You Eat And Still Gain Plenty Of Weight"
Been there, done that. Hypothetically
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what`s going on and there`s a lot of wine drinking.
If there’s one thing that having kids will teach you, it’s home repair.
If it was not for electricity, we would all be watching T.V. by candle light.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
Kids these days with their high tech cell phones. They will never get the experience of being stuck in a tree and not knowing if anyone is coming to help. Oh, and could someone come and set my ladder back up so I can get down.
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
person 1: i can draw really well person 2: i`m really athletic person 3: i`m hilarious and likable person 4: i`m gorgeous me: i can breathe