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AA meetings would be better if AA stood for Alcohol Afterwards
If I was rich, I`d do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
Checked myself for ticks ... but I didn`t hear anything.
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
Ironically, Internet was made to save our time.
You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".
Do you know what this house is missing? A box of $#!+, Let`s get a cat.
My therapist says I should quit talking to myself.
So, is Dora 18 yet, or what? Asking for a friend.
When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one.
If the shoe fits . . . buy one in every color
The name CONstitution sounds so negative. Since `pro` is the opposite of `con` we should call it prosti..... oh wait.
Apparently asking girl scouts which cookie pairs nicely with whiskey is inappropriate....
The only difference between McDonald`s and my work is McDonald`s has only got one clown running the show.