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Do you ever just look at a girl and instantly know she posts her daily horoscope on Facebook and quotes Marilyn Monroe?
The olympics is the only time when you hear "Great execution by North Korea" and it seems okay.
A snail can sleep for up to 3 years. I didn`t know it was even possible to be this jealous.
The best part about living in a small town is when I don`t know what I`m doing, someone else does.
Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
I’ve got a friend whose nickname is “Shagger”. You might think that’s pretty cool. She doesn’t like it
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
Roasting marshmallows is great because it combines dessert and playing with fire.
I hope my last words aren’t “What does this thing do?”
Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.
I know she`s talking about rain but I don`t like hearing my mom say she got 6 inches
I am there for you no matter what, anytime, day or night, unless there is something good on TV or I am eating pie
Another funny thing about this status is when you finally realize that it talks about nothing? its all ready too late to stop reading. lol
Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat
Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my sh!t together & yet still insult me for being full of it?