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There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
You can’t call them “love handles” if nobody loves you
Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you`ve never been married and you love spending time with him?
Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn`t kill the dinosaurs. I`ve been to the museum. It`s obvious they starved to death.
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
I used to think using big words meant you were smart, I was somewhat right but that was before I heard politicians speak.
You really can`t say your laundry is done unless you are completely naked
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 13th woman he`s called "beautiful" on Facebook today.
My girlfriend left the lights on, on her Smart Car last night. This morning I had to jump start it with my Android.
When someone walks away from me shaking their head, I totally agree.
Just looked at the price of baby strollers. I think were gonna have an indoor baby.
All I need to know about you is defined by whether you ask for a cup or a cone when ordering ice cream.