Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.
Friends are like orgasms... nobody wants the fake ones.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 7 am is sexy... Then yeah, I`m your guy.
Ugh, I have an ingrown hair and it really hurts. This sounds like a job for medical marijuana.
I don`t really like the idea that James Franco might be in my grandkids` history textbooks.
I have this empty feeling inside of me. Wait, there`s my drink.
Destiny may decide who touches your Life. Your heart may decide who touches your Soul. But…Tequila decides who touches your body
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven`t pooped it out yet ... Really scared now!
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
I`m great at making pancakes and women uncomfortable.
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.
What ? Who ? Exactly my point. Now move along and go read something else. Nosey !!
Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it`s not their own.
Take my advice; I don’t use it anyway.
The problem with drinking with people from work is they`re the ones I bitch about when I`m drunk.