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Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
I sleep better when I`m naked why can`t my boss understand this?!
Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?
Its not my fault if I blame everyone for my mistakes...right?
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
Our phone falls, we panic... our friends fall, we laugh.
Kinda surprised I`m not an action figure by now.
How long have I been working here? ... Ever since they threatened to fire me.
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
I see you’re playing stupid. Looks like you’re winning too.
Like a good neighbor, stay over there
Apparently showing the pharmacist a picture of my wife was not a good enough reason to get Valium without a prescription.
If you didn`t want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.
I always look out for #1 ... unless I`m walking thru my yard, then I look out for #2