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everybody has a girlfriend or boyfriend, and i`m just over here like `i love food`.
The older the Facebook post, the creepier your “like” becomes.
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.
I`m an optimist. I didn`t lose a sock in the dryer. I found an extra one!
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
Strip search? ... Fine, but I`m going to need some background music.
No horror movie can surpass the sensation of touching your pockets and not feeling your cell phone.
Facebook, the lost and found for people. . .
Why did the mushroom go to the party because he was the fungi
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
Ladies, wonder if he`s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
Every so often you come across a person who always smiles no matter what, that person is the reason why random bitch slaps should be a thing