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If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it`s working.
Never judge a man ’till you’ve driven a mile with his wife.
the dude who posted ”MERRY CHRISTMAS“ has still got his head shoved up the turkeys A$$ it seems...
Not to brag, but I`m pretty good in bed. I don`t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
this one time I was in a bush, and this squirrel was like hey, and I was like hey you can`t talk to me your a squirrel and he was like yea I know lmao
My Bills are so big that I have to call them William now.
I just responded to a text message with: I can`t hear you, you`re breaking up.
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
When a man says he`ll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!
Call me old school, but cigarettes should not have USB ports
Someone just asked me if I was `happily` married. Single people are adorable.
Mom: Some scary old lady keeps FaceTiming me. Me: Mom, turn your camera around and she’ll go away.
If you have time to update your status as "very busy", then you obviously exaggerated.
BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed... Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.