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I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
Thinking of getting another kitchen table just for all my mail
If I had a mood ring on today, it`d be flashing like a disco ball!
Let me drink about it and get back to you.
Suggested movie theater prices: Adults - $9.00, Under 12 - $ 6.00, Under 3 - $249.00
You don’t realize how many people you hate until you have to name a baby or a dog...
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
Is it so much to ask that everyone who ever wronged me be forced to leave the country and change their identity?
The statement `Hey! Calm down!` has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down
Opinions are like a$$holes: some people make money by posting them on the internet.
If you`re sad/single/both on valentines day just remember you can buy 40 chicken nuggets at McDonald`s for $8.99
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.