Daily Silly Status

I`m not really your friend until I start insulting you on a daily basis.

Is there another word for synonym?

I always tell new hires, don`t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you`re ass

Does everyone have that one dumb ass that finds you on Facebook and will not give up? Repeated friend requests, inbox messages, and follows my pages. It is driving me nuts. I understand at some point I will have to give in, but just because I am married to her doesn`t mean I have to like her, right?

If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.

Hey people who buy bottled water for their dogs, can I have some money?

#1738 "The fact that people use the wrong "your" and "there" yet spell "Bieber" correctly bothers me."-dd

This sushi restaurant has the worst service. "Sir, this is an aquarium"

Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.

I`d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.

I enjoy short walks to the fridge

And all this time I thought a chickpea was when women went to the bathroom in groups.

Setting an alarm is how we ruin days that haven`t even started yet.

Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think "look at all these poor people who don`t know Netflix exists."

My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy