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Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
You want to piss off a woman? Hide one shoe.
How come "you`re a peach" is a complement but "you`re bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
I`ve been spending so much time on Facebook, that I forgot the internet has porn.
If you feel down because you had a bad day! Chin up! Tomorrow is another day and the worst has yet to come!
"Lets all put our phones down and talk with each other.." - Someone who has run out of phone battery.
Flu (noun) - The only time when having used tissues laying next to your bed is socially acceptable.
How dare you incinerate that I don`t know big words.
Time to be an adult and give up my bath time rubber ducky. I´m upgrading to the tugboat!
A word to the wise isn`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
If there’s one thing that having kids will teach you, it’s home repair.
I don`t need your advice. I do a great job of screwing up my life all by myself, thank you!
The text message is the new greeting card, but without any hope that there will be money inside.
Can`t they just make a "Poke infinity" button?
I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"