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You seem to love cocktails... or part of it.
Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.
Leaving the house would be so much cooler if someone would yell “Aaaaand Action!” as I walk out the door.
If I could have anything in the world it would be to have the same finger prints as my enemy
11th Commandment: Thou shall not gossip about other people’s lives when you are not doing any better yourself.
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
Dude, next time you wanna wave at me, please use more than one finger.
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
*Sees my name in a math textbook* class: *stares at me* me: "yeah b!tches I bought 60 watermelons"
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why my family and friends expect that for free.
I don`t want to brag, but I`m single-handedly responsible for 86% of the rules in the Employee Handbook at work.
For some reason I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.