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Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets?
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
If a man says something in the woods.. And there are no women there.. Is he still wrong? O_o
All I heard was, " I swear it`ll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I`m single by choice. Not MY choice. But it`s still a choice
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
The best thing about living in the southern U.S. is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense.
I used to play sports. Then realized you can buy trophies. Now I´m good at everything.
Hitting on women at this PTA meeting would probably be easier if I actually had a kid at this school.
The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.
Imagine coming home from a long vacation and finding your bathroom towels are wet from just being used. I can do that to your ex if you want.
When the coffee stops working it is probably the right time to start drinking.
Sharks aren’t so bad. If some stranger entered my house wearing only a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.