Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
Somewhere someone`s therapist knows you.
The patience I have for my kids is directly proportional to the amount of people watching me.
i just accidentally used AOL online, im betting the workers there are celebrating and think they have a chance in the future. lol
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach the cookies.
I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
Due to the weather, I was able to use the words "wet and slippery" at work all day without anyone thinking I`m a big perv.
I hope all your dreams come true, especially that one where you`re being chased by a giant spider.
Talk to me long enough and you`ll realize why I`m single.
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
If you are offended by the opinions I express you can only imagine the ones I keep to myself.
My wife told me I suffer from a lack of imagination. I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination." That showed her.
thinks it would be great if we really burped bubbles when we were drunk .. just like in cartoons.
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!