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I don`t think I could love any person as much as I love BACON... Mmmmm Bacon...
A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
Has anyone donated any money to ALS? All these ice bucket challenges I been seeing makes me think ... you all some cheap bastards
I`m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You`re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what`s going on here.
Kids eat free today? Nice... In that case, I`ll have a water and my son will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids bud light.
A graham cracker is just a white dude selling coke in the ghetto.
If you don`t like me now, you won`t like me later because I just get worse.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
Falling in love when lonely is a lot like shopping when hungry, you end up with a bunch of sh!t you don`t need.
Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
I love the smell of a liquor store in the morning!
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?