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If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
There`s no life problem that a good "F*ck this shit" can`t solve.
From now on when someone asks you where you`re from look them dead in the eye and say: Planet Venus.
When your girlfriend says do what ever you want. Do not do what ever you want!
It’s not really drinking alone if the dog is home ... right?
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.
Im 6`1", blue eyes, light brown hair, fit, own my own compa......oh crap, wrong website, sorry.
I just found out my smoke detector comes with a warranty. WHAT FOR? If it don`t work, what`s left?
My last request: At my funeral, someone come up at the end and padlock my coffin shut, just to freak everyone out.
From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
If you don`t believe that women will actually fight over a pair of shoes, you`ve never watched The Wizard of Oz!
Are walruses just vampire manatees?