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If I could turn invisible I’d go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime… The amount of applause he’d get would be amazing!
People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
My mom never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
Guys i did not copy or edit this status of mine.Please believe this is my own idea!
Today is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day." ... I just made it up. Tell the others.
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
Saw a Mime doing his gig. I reached into my purse and pretended to throw money in his hat.
I know she`s talking about rain but I don`t like hearing my mom say she got 6 inches
Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
I love sleep because its like a time machine to breakfast.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
First thing I do when I realize I’m lost…turn the radio down.
The original creator of the phrase “common sense” surely didn’t know many people.
I once dated a Rockette with Tourette`s. Talk about kicking and screaming!