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In my most recent survey,,, four out of five women talked crap about the fifth one whenever she was out of earshot.
This Donut-Scented Car Air Freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
By the power vested in me and by this case of beer, I now pronounce these three loads of laundry as one.
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
You`d think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.
Your boyfriend has long hair too. I sometimes have trouble figuring out who the girl is in the relationship.
A graham cracker is just a white dude selling coke in the ghetto.
2015 and still no thieves interested in my identity.
Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes your d!ck grow, that commercial will be on during the Super Bowl, not 3am!
Neil Armstrong lands on the moon: 5 pictures. Girl goes to Bathroom: 47 pictures.
OMG, what a day I had. If Monday was a guy, I`d punch him in the throat!
Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”
The last time I was someone`s type, I was donating blood.
Whenever I see a woman breastfeeding in public, my first reaction is to get in line.
I just bought some new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said to remove the top and push up bottom. My butt hurts now but every time I fart the room smells awesome.