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If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I`d totally use it to take a nap without people noticing.
I accidentally wore green today. And I probably will be drunk later but NOT because it`s St. Patrick`s Day, because it`s Monday.
Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it takes up a lot more hard drive space.
Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
So many idiots, so few nuclear warheads....
When I think of a SELFIE, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of...
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, "neighborhood watch" isn`t what I thought it was.
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
Getting my kids to the airport always feels like I`m recreating the first 10 minutes of "Home Alone."
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
The only solution to a problem is to find the source and Kill it.
I`m super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I`m also wearing a cape.
5 symptoms of laziness –> 1.