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I bet sex is great when I`m not the only one in the room.
One man`s sarcastic answer, is another man`s stupid question
In sign language, arthritis is a speech impediment.
Show me in the employee handbook where it says I have to like you. Go on, I`ll wait.
Sorry I said "You`ll Do" instead of "I Do" at our wedding.
Relax, we`re all crazy. It`s not a competition.
I love long walks on the beach under the moonlight, poetry, candlelight dinners, and having my a$$ spanked with a fuzzy slipper.
I beat my chess opponent in less than five moves with the chair I was sitting on!
The only way I know if I’ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger.
I bought my mother in-law one of those atomic clocks. I can`t wait for the alarm to go off.
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
I hate it when I see some old person and then realize that we went to school together
The greatest fear is NOT fear itself. It’s dropping your phone in a port-a-potty!
I`ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
You`re one of a kind! Thank goodness...