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According to a recent study 52% of women have used vibrators....I`m guessing the other 48% have new ones?
The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.
If you see anything posted from me that involves something normal or appropriate, it is not me. I believe I`ve been hacked.
I think I`m a grown up the same way Dr. Phil is a doctor.
Why do prostitutes charge per hour? I mean, what are we supposed to do for the other 57 minutes?
Lazy Rule 47: If you spill water, it will eventually dry.
I like to test the waters by pushing people in.
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
Amnesia sounds so relaxing.
It`s so cute how you can throw balls right at kids faces in the Chuck E Cheese ball pit and they think you`re just playing.
Alcohol doesn`t make you fat, it makes you lean..........against tables, chairs, walls, and garbage cans.
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
Iām not positive that having the TV volume on an odd number will destroy the world, but lets not risk it.
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss.