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With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like: “Well I’m bored, let’s go brush our teeth.”
Have you seen that new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
I`m only 30 lbs away from my New Year`s resolution to lose 20 lbs!!
Unless otherwise stated, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says “trust me, you don’t want to know.”
Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence.
Hitting on women at this PTA meeting would probably be easier if I actually had a kid at this school.
Apparently it`s ok to leash your dog to a bike rack, but it`s illegal to leash your kid to one. Parenting is hard...
Want to watch a nerd have a melt down? Tell him that you just bought an Android Ipad.
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
The hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to fart quietly again.
A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone, when you buy flowers because they`re also a snack for later.