Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve done so much f*cked up sh!t while I was drunk that I have to drink to forget it all.
For Halloween I`m going as an invisible person. I will be at all your parties.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig ? The letter F ?
Phrases I hope to avoid in my obituary: “skeletal remains,” “dumpster,” “almost beyond recognition,” “dental records” and “shallow grave.”
I totally love and fully respect that you`re a little bit slutty
Missed the gym yesterday.... That makes 11 years in a row.
I should win an Oscar for acting like I`m busy at work.
I just encountered a spider bigger than my desire to be the man of the house.
Most difficult job ever.......Working in a bubble wrap factory......Imagine the self control needed.
It`s funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
The only time I listen to a woman giving directions is when I use my GPS.
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but I like women.
Cooking tip of the day: Rub your eyes BEFORE you dice the jalapenos...
My own personal hell sounds great, actually