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All I`m saying is that the cheese grater wouldn`t have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after every use.
Alcoholic? No. Self-appointed booze quality control technician? Yes.
Was sitting, doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of the plane...
It would take a pretty stupid robot to replace me.
Sorry, I can`t hangout. My uncle`s cousin`s sister in law`s best friend`s insurance agent`s roommate`s pet goldfish drowned. It was tragic.
I dare you to spit on this status.
Three guys walk into a bar. Two ended up with a concussion, the other needed 4 stitches.
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
Going to write hasbro a nasty letter!!! The monopoly get out of jail free card doesn`t work...since I`m texting you can you come bail me out?
I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can`t even afford a washer or a dryer
My mother in law called me today and said? ”Come quick. I think I’m dying” I said, ”Call me back when you’re sure”.
I slept and woke up. (ok, lately this has become a major accomplishment in my life)
Just read someones status, "Today is the frist day of your life," Thats just stupid, mine was over 45 years ago.. If it was the frist day of your life you wouldn`t be able to read it... Dummy
I have blank business cards I hand out and call them my “none of your business” cards.