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Every-time I run I hear Mario Brothers theme song in my head, and look for things to jump over.
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
I want a firsthand test of the "mo money, mo problems" hypothesis.
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
Pick a woman with wits. Wits will never sag.
At this age, I drive everything like I stole it because sometimes I forget which car is mine.
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
When I see a shoe on the side of the road I wonder if Cinderella is in a nearby house.
I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.
Now that there is no FBI director we can finally make copies of VHS tapes
Figuring out that you`ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.
That`s it!! I`m never drinking again until tomorrow.
Life is basically just a constant effort to not be disgusting.