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I saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop. He just sat there drinking his coffee. Like a psychopath.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
Everyone has a right to their own opinion, no matter how wrong they are. And that`s why we have a problem.
Drive-Thru Workers: The longer you make me wait in line, the more change will be used for my payment...
I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I don`t have.
I wish I could write `` I Miss You `` on a rock and throw it at your face, so you can know how much it HURTS to miss you
Admit it...Life yould be boring without me.
It`s fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can`t tell.
I hate it when people call dogs "stupid". I mean, when was the last time you saw a dog step in human poop?
No, I don`t have tourette syndrome..I was just telling you what I think of you.
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
Procrastinators Unite!! ... tomorrow.
I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
So you have 820 friends on Facebook and yet no one was around to take your picture when you decided to use the mirror for a good shot?
I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don`t want people to recognize me when I`m pooping.