Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Trust me, you want me medicated!!
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I`m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...
I thought 70 was the new 50, but the cop still gave me a ticket.
I let a girl go through my phone recently so a colonoscopy really doesn’t scare me anymore.
The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like.
I wish more events in life involved dumping a cooler full of Gatorade on people.
Dear Toilet Paper Makers, We`ve all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the center softer. Thank you...
When someone says “You just made my day,” it makes my day.
North West: Daddy what were you famous for? Kanye: rapping. North West: Mommy what were you famous for? ((awkward silence))
This recliner and I go way back.
To-Do List : Nothing[?]
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I`m heading north to start a new life.
Mom: Some scary old lady keeps FaceTiming me. Me: Mom, turn your camera around and she’ll go away.
I’m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
I end a sentence with `just saying` because ending with `dumba$$` would be offensive.