Daily Silly Status

Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.

Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.

Holiday Shopping Tip #112:Next time you see someone with their arms full of bags looking around a parking lot while pointing and clicking their horn button, help them out and start pushing your horn button too!

I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching ‘Night at the Roxbury.’ “Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?”

My dad said if I don`t get of facebook in 3 seconds he would jab my face into the keyboahajsirksjapquebxm

#Redskins QB Robert Griffin III back after surgery to reconstruct the ACL and repair the LCL in his right knee. He`s now RG 3.2

I hate wasting alcohol on social occasions.

Facebook needs a "settle down" button.. You tap on a friend`s profile, that locks them out for a day so they can work through stuff privately..

Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, I’m going back to bed.

I have the worst case of morning sickness. No I am not pregnant, my body just rejects mornings.

Two drunk guys driving down the road, One says to the other "We must be getting closer to town!" The other guys says, "How can you tell?" He says "Were hitting more frickin people."

There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(

The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed

When I said I like it rough I was talking about the sex, not the whole entire relationship...

When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we`ve met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me