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is 100% sure that you are looking at my status. (:
If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
Pepper spray: The perfect way to end an annoyingly long conversation.
I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
I know you`re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?
If I had a dollar for everytime I was distracted, look squirrel!
"Rise and shine” is probably the most depressing thing a shoeshiner hears in the morning.
I`m placing myself in "time-out" until I`m able to play nice with others! This may take a few hours as there are stupid people everywhere!
If practice makes perfect, one day I will make the perfect mistake.
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
It doesn`t matter if you don`t like my personality... I have several more!
I start a lot of conversations with "goodbye" in hopes that I trick people into thinking we already talked.
Boss just announced she is leaving early. What a coincidence. So am I.
I wish people would stop judging me before they find out how much of an a$$hole I actually am.
Just scraped 3 inches of "Mostly Cloudy" off my car.