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Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"
One day my fridge will take revenge on me by opening my bedroom door every half hour, staring at me for a few minutes and then leave.
Scream “Chrome is better than Firefox” around a group of geeks if you wanna see them argue for 2 hours.
Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.
Think about what last call would look like if Walmart had a bar
Reasons to get out of bed: None.
I used to care what you thought of me, then I remembered what I thought of you.
Have you ever laughed so hard that no sound comes out and you sit there clapping your hands like a retarded seal?
If you say "cash money" around me, Don`t act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts" See how stupid that sounds?
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
To all my ex girlfriends. Don`t worry. I`m still an asshole.
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.
Judging by the way some women wear makeup it`s rather obvious they didn`t excel at coloring as a kid ...
I dont have awkward moments I have "special" moments.e.g That "special" moment when my "special" ex learns that karma exist..