Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says "trust me, you don`t want to know."
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
I think the spork would have caught on better if they called it "a forkin` spoon!"
If I tell you I can`t text you because I`m driving it`s only because I`m also eating.
is admitting to pushing Humpty Dumpty, he had it coming!!
"No! Don`t go into the church! Nooo!" ... "Honey, what movie are you watching?" ... "Our wedding video."
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn`t doing his part of the chores around here
It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
I`ll be damned if after the 5 longest minutes of my life i am going to "allow to cool in microwave for 1 minute"!
I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service, it`s because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.
I wonder if my neighbors are more tired of hearing my dog bark or me screaming at it to shut the f*ck up.
I`m feeling 22.. Pounds overweight.
Me: "Sorry I`m late. Car trouble." Him: "What kind of car trouble?" Me: "It doesn`t go 200 miles an hour to compensate for my late start."