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When you called me a b*tch, did you mean it as an insult or a compliment?
Sometimes I wish I was full of pizza instead of emotions.
Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She`s been talking for the last 2 days and doesn`t seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
Just used the "f word" over on FB so I`m waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she`s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Interviewer: Have any weaknesses? Me: Bullets I: No, I mean… M: Knives I: I don’t think y… M: probably evil dragons I: … M: Focusing.
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
Police ordered me to get out of my car `You`re staggering` said the officer .`you`re not to bad looking yourself` I replied
I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I`m afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.
A homeless guy asked me for money today and I thought, sure, he’s probably just gonna spend it on booze and cigarettes. Then I remembered, that’s what I was gonna do, so we walked to the store together.
Well, I’m bored again. Time to open the fridge
How I talk: 25% swearing, 25% sarcasm 50% a combination of both.
The real trouble with reality is that there`s no background music.
“Nothing is impossible.” I disagree. I’m doing nothing right now… it’s totally possible.
I`ve got worms !!!! ......... worms in me garden