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When people ask me what I`m going to be on Halloween, the answer is always the same: really drunk
Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
If I have offended you, hurt you, belittled you in any manner, then I want you to know that I was only just getting started.
Is it wrong, to put people on your bucket list?
I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.
We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...
The neighbor`s cat seems to think my flower bed is his litter box. I`ll fix that furry little bugger. I mixed 44 packages of pop rocks into the soil. And now we wait....
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
This Pokemon Go crap is getting ridiculous. I just saw a fight breakout between the pokebloods and the pokecrips.
Sometimes I STOP when it`s not even Hammer time
My favorite word is `apparently`. Makes anything sound sarcastic. He`s intelligent, apparently.
The mailman just delivered an 8-track of Boz Skaggs Greatest Hits. I guess this fulfills my Columbia House obligation.
Indecisiveness is just mental constipation.
hell yeah !!!! i was the lucky sperm !!!!!
I would want to change my name to `Nobody` on Facebook. So when someone updates something stupid it says `Nobody likes this`