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People around me think I`m losing it. So today, I had to sit myself down and have a talk.
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
I finally figured out why men love belly rings so much on their women. It reminds them of the staple in the middle of their porn magazines!
Sometimes I think, "Screw this, I will just be a stripper." Then I remember I am fat and I can`t dance.
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
Selfie... Because it`s important to realize that it`s not the photographer who is making you look ugly.
I`m such a thrill seeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster...
To all the lovely ladies here I`m not wearing green....to all the guys here, I know Ju-Jitsu. Just saying
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators.
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
I`m in big trouble if my coworkers find out I don`t really have Tourette`s.
I`ve found the most effective way to get an attractive guy to fall for me is by simply using my charm... and then a stun gun.
This girl is ignoring me like a check engine light.
I’m glad you spent $80 on makeup to look like a $5 whore. Well done