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Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
I think my girlfriend’s hallucinating. She keeps telling me she’s seeing other people.
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
I never said I was better than everyone else, just better than you.
If you`re stuck in a group text, one easy way to get out is to throw your phone in the ocean and start a new life.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
Likes doing tokyo drifts with the shopping carts when I round the corner of each isle at Walmart.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again: it before
Dear Life, Please, use a Lubricant.
It`s a small world, but I wouldn`t want to paint it.
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
Saw these three things on a corner, in this order: Liquor store, gun store, bank. What could possibly go wrong with that?
Remember, life isn`t about accumulating stuff. It`s about making people insanely jealous of your stuff.