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Ladys, if you`re in an argument with a guy and there`s no may to win. Start playing with your boobs...works every time.
I`ve done a lot of things over the years ... But acting normal has never been one of them.
If someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. "Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you."
I keep having this recurring nightmare that lasts 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday.
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
Did you know that running for just 10 minutes a day raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 63%?
Day 8. You should be thankful that I`m medicated
The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth`s equator, most of them would drown.
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
How many “friend-zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they’ll just compliment it and get pissed when it won’t screw.
The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
When I text someone and they don`t text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from the excitement.
We should be thanking our Dads for bringing us into the world, not our Moms. She probably wasn`t in the mood...