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I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
You can tell how a persons life is going by how they press the crosswalk button.
some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
Don`t be scared of the government shutdown, liquor stores are run by the states.
FYI: Real hippos at the zoo don’t eat marbles. They should post a sign or something.
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
Life Tip: Hang out with people who make you forget to look at your phone.
I need to find new reward systems besides beer and chocolate.
So far my only real accomplishment in life has been not having kids.
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.
Happiness comes from within. That`s why it always feels so good to fart.
At this point I`m just waiting for summer to be cancelled completely.