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Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
My nickname is Gilette because I`m the best a man can get. Also, I will cut you
Don`t waste my timeline.
When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
I’ve been really depressed these past few days. Finally visited a therapist and got diagnosed. Turns out, I’m poor.
They say you are what you eat but I don’t remember eating a sexy beast.
I think I’m going to take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it…
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.
Vodka can be mixed with anything, including more vodka.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don’t f*cking deserve string cheese.
I am a gentleman, based on the clubs I go to.
Cops don’t like it when you ask them “Need some help?” especially when you’re wearing a Batman costume.
Most hated song in jail: "Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do when they come for you"......