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Have a day. That`s about as inspirational I get.
I`m really good at acting like I`m sorry the elevator door is closing and you missed it.
That`s like asking the fat guy to watch the pie.
The best part about having an old VW is driving down the road and watching people punch the sh!t out of each other.
Sorry I was staring at your nachos while you were talking about your painful divorce
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
I wish banks would do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fourth one I`ve been to that is saying "Insufficient Funds."
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
There’s a reason why “sober” and “so bored” sound almost exactly the same.
is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.
From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch
FANNNN...DANNNNN....GOOOOO. Breathe The A`s.
Going to Target. See you in about two hundred bucks...
Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don`t have to.
I hope daylight savings time doesnt throw me off my schedule of doing nothing.