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Are you reading this from a toilet? I’m writing this from one.
Like this if you can’t think of a clever status either.
Swag is for boys. Class is for men.
This rough sex would have been a lot better if I wasn`t alone.
Defeat....the feeling you get when you realize the "next" level is just as hard......
If video games have taught me anything, it’s that if you encounter enemies then you’re going the right way.
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
My anaconda really doesn`t care if you got buns or not.
We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!
If you`re wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don`t google `old man bond age`
I find that some of the best jokes are the ones that drag you in slowly and then leave you waiting in antici...
I don`t make a very good first impression, but if you hang around, my forty-third one is pretty cool.
I know it’s rain but I hate when my coworker tell me how many inches they got last night.
When there is nothing to do ... That`s what I do