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Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam`s ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
Never trust a skinny chef
Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers `Bless you` and hangs up.
I hate it when chicks wear pink camo. I`m like, "girl" where you hiding? Candyland?
Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.
I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
Use a mirror and you will find, PI.E = 3.14
"If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun" ~ My son apparently
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
It looks like bathroom tai chi but it`s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
The plural of beer is beer, which is very convenient when you are explaining to your wife why you were late coming home from work.
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in
I just thought you should know, I just did all the laundry and didn`t lose a sock to the dryer monster...
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?