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How to win an argument. 1. Have a vagina. 2. That’s it. 3. You win. 4. Congratulations.
I was laying down, looking up at the stars while I was writing this post. Then it dawned on me; `Where the heck is the ceiling?`
Wedding: The really expensive party taking place relatively 5-10 years before your divorce.
How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will only be jingling "part" of the way this year, as usual ur patience is appreciated.
I haven`t slept for three days, because that would be too long
My wife looks for signs I’m cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?
You don`t have to like me, I`m not a Facebook status.
I wasn`t planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.
I dare you to spit on this status.
Never look at your beer as half-empty. Look at it as you’re halfway to your next beer.
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
I have heard of women that aren`t crazy, but I`ve also heard of Unicorns.
One of the biggest decisions when you go to college is whether to join a fraternity or just be an asshole on your own.
Just scraped 3 inches of "Mostly Cloudy" off my car.