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You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
iOS 8 let`s you passcode lock specific apps? It`s fun imagining how many break ups that will cause.
I put "extremely organized" on my resume and I don`t even remember what folder I saved it in..
The length of your "About me" section on Facebook is directly proportional to how annoying you are in real life.
You girls are lucky, tampons are changing the end from a string to a bit of tinsel but its only for the Christmas period
I just saw a gang of really drunk mosquitoes leave my arm and high-five each other. Weird.
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
Iām not a biologist but Iām pretty sure the difference between a moth and a butterfly is that a moth is really ugly.
If Starbucks delivered, I would be a morning person.
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
I read an article the other day that said if you drink every day you are an alcoholic. Thank God I only drink every night.
Trying to get in shape for all those people I`m not having sex with.
I don`t have a drinking problem, you have a problem with my drinking. Big difference.
Here`s to all the kids who have never found their name on anything in a souvenir store
I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the `Downward Dog` on top of another person.