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How to create a weight-loss program: (1) Take a before picture. (2) Eat like a pig. (3) Take an after picture. (4) Switch the pictures.
I went to McDonalds, put 5 dollars on the counter and said "Surprise me". Because I never get what I ask for anyway!
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
Regardless of how much time you think you waste, just know that someone created a very detailed Wikipedia page for Grumpy Cat.
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
People I hate are not allowed to be funny.
Apparently, when people say "I could use a hand" it doesn`t mean they want to get slapped in the face.
I`m not a gamer, but I can be as lazy as one.
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
Forgets to set alarm, wakes up 3 days later.
? Single ? Taken ? Depends on who`s asking.
When I say lol, I don`t literally mean I laughed out loud. What I actually mean is that I made a loud outward breath through my nose, similar to a bull.
I finally did it. I gave my cat a bath today. It really wasn`t that bad. She enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. Other than the fur sticking to the roof of my mouth, it went well.
Why are you walking away when we`re in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! ... At least give me your number!
I like working from home. It`s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.