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Whenever I check my weight, I always subtract 5 pounds. I don`t think that boobs and brains this fabulous should count against me.
I dont know whats more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
You`d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their butt in the mirror they would be able to parallel park.
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
the only correct answer to are u ticklish? is i have explosive diareha right now
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for most of you.
Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window... If it gets any worse, I`ll have to let her in.
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a taxi fill up at a gas station
Here`s an idea...Duck Dynasty Chia Pets
Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of.
Every pair of panties can be a thong if your a$$ is big enough.
"I`ve had so much coffee, I got halfway to work and realized I forgot my car."
Ran into a former supervisor from my last job today, kept driving.