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If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
Coffee: fueling you for a job you can`t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though...
The hardest part of having multiple kids is explaining why only your first child has a baby book.
If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
Sometimes you can just tell it`s going to be a "Does not play well with others" kind of day.
it`s a fact that flies on screens are not afraid of cursors
After the expiration date on poison, is it more potent or less potent?
Hand dryers are a great way to see how your hands look while skydiving.
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
My ex was in a swimming competition with 19 other women today. They were doing the breaststroke. Unfortunately, she came in last place. She didn`t know she could have used her arms!
I really wish Wal-Mart had a 10 teeth or more line...
No Grandma, "sausage fest" is not a new special breakfast at IHOP
There are only 53 days until Christmas... just a heads-up in case you haven`t shopped for me yet.
I can`t figure out why everyone calls me a smart-ass. Is it because I`m smart and have a great ass?
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.