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Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
I would like to think that I`ll die heroic death saving someone`s life but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.
When people said they sleep like a baby, it`s because they do not have one.
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of Alcohol
My imaginary friend is bullying me.
There`s an emoji for eggplants but not for popcorn and this is why trusting people isn`t just hard, it`s impossible.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
I know I should lift weights, but those things are heavy!!
I hate it when I think I`m buying organic vegetables and I get home to discover they`re just regular doughnuts.
I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.
My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
Why do I even have unlimited texting?
I hate waiting until I`m dead. I want to haunt people now dammit.
Trail Mix: M&Ms with obstacles
Chillin: the art of doing nothing without being bored.