Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Clearly the people that design refrigerators don`t know me if they think one tiny cheese drawer and two giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.
I love you all so much right now because, well, alcohol.
I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that.
Got kicked out of Ziggy`s. " supposably" your not allowed to stand on their scales. Says I broke them. On the brighter side I weigh 135900 grams
I’ve watched “Aladdin” like 25 times with my kids, so I know quite a bit about politics in the Middle East.
Never fight anyone who bows to you first.
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don`t get married. If you are over 35, don`t get married. If you are 35, don`t get married.
Burned almost a thousand calories with the elliptical machine today. Moved it into the basement, that thing is heavy!
I`m bored, I think I`ll ask my boyfriend if I look fat. - women
I found the key to happiness ... Stay away from a$$holes.
Drunk me absolutely loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
There are 2 kinds of people I can’t stand: Nosy people, and people who won’t tell me what in the hell is going on.
When I was a kid, I thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it really is.