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A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
Being rich doesn`t equal happiness but i`d rather cry in a ferrari
My kids don`t even know they have a grandma that gives them $100 on their birthdays
If you can´t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don´t know where you are.
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?
When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.
I don’t always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like I’d be pretty good at that.
You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I`m telling you why...we have our own problems and nobody cares about yours.
Etc... A word used to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
Fat, single and ready for a Pringle.
I don`t know what I`d do without coffee...Probably twenty five to life in the state penitentiary.